Circumlocution, Hubris and Ne'erdowellery from Rock & Roll Magistrates "COUNTLESS THOUSANDS!"

andrewdegraff:

Here’s my submission to Gallery1988’s SPACE! Show, curated by Mr. Mike Mitchell opening tonight, Friday the 21st.  The finish is a 13” x 19” archival giclee.

I just bought this because I choked up in the gallery. My God. Next time someone’s over at my house, you’ve got to see it.

andrewdegraff:

Here’s my submission to Gallery1988’s SPACE! Show, curated by Mr. Mike Mitchell opening tonight, Friday the 21st.  The finish is a 13” x 19” archival giclee.

I just bought this because I choked up in the gallery. My God. Next time someone’s over at my house, you’ve got to see it.

Source: andrewdegraff

amarq:

This is what happens when your fat fingers meet a small iphone screen when trying to tell your best friend about visually molesting Ben Gibbard next month at a Postal Service show.
She was ok with my accidental misspelling. 
Curse my fat fingers…These were the actual autocorrects my iphone produced when my fat fingers hit the screen. I need a bigger screen…

amarq:

This is what happens when your fat fingers meet a small iphone screen when trying to tell your best friend about visually molesting Ben Gibbard next month at a Postal Service show.

She was ok with my accidental misspelling. 

Curse my fat fingers…These were the actual autocorrects my iphone produced when my fat fingers hit the screen. I need a bigger screen…

Source: amarq

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You guys, I watched the whole thing in one sitting and it was f’n badass. The third of three terrific original Netflix shows, skipping the networks, going straight to digital, to hell with commercials and glory and onward. Then i find out that Netflix and Fox Digital are putting zero promotion behind it, because the world is unjust. But hey! Fans got a fourth season of Arrested Development, and fans can get the word out about a badass show so it gets the audience it deserves. To that end, i submit to you a chat i had with the standout star, Tommy Snider, who plays the spectacular burnout Hagerty. And please enjoy his ‘Hey Gurl’ headshot, because i sure as hell did. 
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This will never get old.

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Guys, i wrote a fable. i think i have a talent for fables. it’s in response to a simple damn question that i can’t be bothered to directly answer, and it’s funny as hell.

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AKA “They Disdain the Red Carpet”
by Danger

As the mercies and wisdom of the internet have spared me from the specter of evil, I must first make an offering in the form of almighty Search Engine Optimization and cast these words into the void as prayers of thanks: LA MUSIC AWARDS SCAM! LIAR! CARPETBAGGER! SLANDER! LIBEL! RIPOFF!

Ahh. Now. You and I are going to take a journey together (it’ll be fun!), a journey through the words of a certain crackpot who, once he realized that weren’t going to be giving him our money, went to war. What kind of war? A no-holds-barred Facebook bombing. Gird your loins, and behold:      

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You can chart the whole course of a gnarly bout of flu through my ‘kus. And hell yeah, i’m calling them ‘kus. Because I’M AWESOME.

24) Holy shit, you guys… JJ Abrams is going to direct Star Wars.

25) I’m finally sick. I blame all you hellions. I will have my revenge. #CoughCough #merMAN #CoughCough

B) Oh cool, now there’s a meth lab explosion in my neighborhood. Good times.

26) A hundred and three point three temperature, kiddles. Fuck yeah. Let’s do this.

27) I see ring girls blow kisses at the fights, and i think, “You don’t mean that.”

28) Monkey. Albatross. Monkey albatross monkey. Monkey albatross. #flu #threehourssleepinthreedays

B) Gay clothing stores sure have the most realistic looking mannequins.

29) At least the shit i’m coughing up doesn’t taste as gnarly as it feels. #brightside #thankyousocialmedia!

30) I’ve really got nothing today, guys. This damn flu is kicking my ass.

31) Anyone that has ever said “I love haters!” should be set on fire.

Feb!

1) Alright, let’s shift themes back to non-sickness. How about that “super bowl”?

2) Want to believe in love again? See #WarmBodies. Adorable film.

3) Today, celebrate National Nerd Day of Pride with darkness and cheese.

4) Shit, you guys. It’s nine o’clock and i have written a haiku yet.

5) Oh, the post-morning-commute sprint to the bathroom. No panic comes close. #madeit #barely

6) Not to brag, but i once at a burger next to EDWARD JAMES OLMOS. #andIEdwardJamesAlmostSaidHi

7) Pitch-bending keyboard is the style of music in Hell’s waiting room.

Keep ‘em coming!

@Countless1000s

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Today’s is certainly my favorite, but there are a couple other gems since the last update. here’s what’s going on @Countless1000s.

10) The girl on the “Single & Christian?” banner ad looks like a SPACE FOX. #ampersandsareasinglesyllable

11C) [CHALLENGE WORD: Splendiferous from @Bexmachine]
Jam this lime in my eye if i ever use the word #Splendiferous.

12) I appreciate that you’re losing weight, but please put a damn shirt on.

13) Love the California State Flag, even with the bear’s creepy perv smile.

14) I think deep down we’re all a little afraid we’ll get our wangs cut off. #FirstWakingThought

15) My whole life i thought Dave Coulier and Jeff Daniels were the same person. #NeverOccurredtoMe

C) [CHALLENGE WORD: wholeheartedly from @Bexmachine]
One must apply oneself #wholeheartedly to the rocking of knit scarves.

16) Hey, when will it be trendy to hate on Michael McDonald again?

B) Two limousines at the post office, but no Clive Owen in sight. #sigh

17) I had a haiku idea featuring carl from family matters…

18) My belt isn’t just a belt, but a weapon at A MOMENT’S NOTICE.

B) Spray Painting the dirt green on the side of the highway - what’s the paintin’ point?

B2) the guy in the toilet stall next to mine is definitely asleep.

19) Can’t recall - were there kids on Everybody Loves Raymond? Wait - don’t care.

20) Ah, Roller Derby. Sublime combo of mad glee and badassery.

21) If you woke without Barenaked Ladies in your head, i envy you.

22) Saw an ad for a new “Hansel & Gretel” movie! Fresh take, amiright?

23) Urinal cakes rule. Worried about pee smell? Nope. Apple cinnamon.


<3
-Danger

@Countless1000s



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@Countless1000s was busy as my self doubt was met boldly. I had one challenge (C) tweet and a couple bonus (B) HKs. Behold!

JANUARY 1-9

1) Seventeen times three-sixty-five is six-two-oh-five. Not much.

2) Day two, man. Woke up totally worried that I’d forget to do this.

C) [CHALLENGE WORD: #Pterodactyl from @theSpoonAbides]
By the way, you guys, my ideal Pterodactyl would have machine guns.

3) That camo shirt isn’t hiding anything but a happy trail, slick.

4) “I’m Every Woman”: Great song, but never inclusive enough for me.

5) Figured out popcorn’s mass appeal: it’s the only food that explodes.

6) Whole Foods cakesmith explains Burning Man. A prophecy has been fulfilled.

7) Asia de Cuba yesterday; now i’m feeling Asia de Foopa.

8) #Justified Tonight! Oh, fuck yeah, motherfuckers! God, i’m excited.

9) Neighbor! Consistency admired, but please stop keying my car. Dick.

B) Saddest thing in the world: wacky inflatable tube man, set on low.


Send me your challenge words @Countless1000s and i’ll try to live up to the high, high standard i set with these gems.

Luv,

Danger

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Oh my God, you guys, i found my new favorite thing in the world. If i were to say the phrase ‘steampunk’, many of you out there would feel your heartgears a-turnin’ just a little faster. Well, find the nearest brass handle and ready your Revival Ray, because ‘steampunk gentlemanly hip-hop’ just overloaded your love-circuits. Some of you who know me would simply nod understandingly if they were told, “Yeah, Danger heard about Professor Elemental and his heart just exploded from too much awesomeness. The funeral is next weekend on the lip of an active volcano, so bring a motorcycle and a ramp.”

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